Family · 13 recordsWhen the kids leave home

The last child leaving home frees up a great deal of time and attention, and very few parents have planned what to do with it. This looks at the relationship and friendships that were squeezed by parenting, picks up something that was put down years ago, reshapes the home and the budget, and agrees how to stay in touch with the kids in a way that suits them too.

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Goal

A life that fills the space well Month 3

Time, money, the relationship and the kids, each given a new shape.

Reclaim the time Week 6

Chosen specifically, before work and television fill it.

  • List what parenting crowded out over the yearsDo firstDay 5
  • Pick one or two to start this monthDo firstDay 10
  • Get back in touch with two friendsWeek 3

Home, money and staying close Month 3

The practical side of a quieter house.

  • Agree with the kids how and when we keep in touchDo firstWeek 2
  • Decide what happens to their rooms, togetherWeek 6
  • Redirect costs that have stopped towards savings or plansMonth 2
  • Plan something to look forward to: a trip, a course, a projectDo firstMonth 3

Routines

  • Time together, as a couple or with friendsweekly
  • The new thing I am doingweekly
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What parenting crowded out

Friendships that faded. A hobby put down. Places we meant to go. Time as a couple that was not about logistics. A course, a sport, volunteering, a job change.

Pick one or two, specifically, and put a date on the first step. A vague intention to do more is what the extra time slips away into.

Questions

When the kids leave home, answered.

The sadness, loss of purpose or loneliness many parents feel when their children leave home. It is a common experience rather than a medical diagnosis, and it usually eases; if low mood lasts or gets worse, it is worth talking to a doctor.
Often the things parenting crowded out: a hobby, friendships, travel, volunteering, fitness, or time together as a couple. The plan asks you to choose one or two specifically, because a vague intention tends to be filled by work and television.
Agree it with them rather than guessing. A regular call at a time that suits both of you, plus messages in between, usually works better than frequent check-ins that can feel like supervision.
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