Wellbeing · 11 recordsSee friends more often

Adult friendships fade through logistics rather than feeling. Everybody means to; nobody arranges it. This puts something recurring in the diary and makes the arranging somebody's actual job, which is unromantic and the only thing that reliably works.

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Goal

Actually seeing people, monthly Month 4

Something recurring, so it is arranged once rather than every time.

Set something recurring Week 4

The unromantic thing that reliably works.

  • List the people I would miss and never seeDo firstDay 5
  • Propose one standing monthly thingDo firstWeek 2
  • Put it in the diary as recurringDo firstWeek 3

Restart the quiet ones Month 4

Getting back in touch does not need an occasion.

  • Message two people I have lost touch withWeek 4
  • Hand the organising to somebody else onceMonth 3

Routines

  • Message one personweekly
  • See somebody in personweekly
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Logistics, not feeling

Adult friendships fade because nobody arranges anything, not because anybody stopped caring. A standing date needs arranging once; four enthusiastic messages about finding a date need arranging forever.\n\nIf you are always the organiser, say so and hand a slot over. People think about that for a year and never mention it.

Questions

See friends more often, answered.

Logistics, almost never feeling. Everybody intends to and nobody arranges it, and the gap grows until getting back in touch feels like it needs an occasion — which it does not, but it starts to feel that way.
Something recurring, so it needs arranging once rather than every time. A standing monthly evening beats four enthusiastic messages about finding a date, which is the form most of these attempts take.
Say so, and hand a slot to somebody else rather than resenting it quietly. The plan has that as a task, because it is the thing people think about for a year and never mention.
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